I Bleed my Heart out on this paper

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Hey I’m Bethan Jackson, I’m 16 and live in Newport it is a shit here can’t wait to move and never come back. Have fun reading my shit, enjoy.....

, I love it I know it sounds sad but I do it gives me time to think and a release of all my stresses, also it’s the only thing that keeps me healthy/fit. My amazing coach was stolen from me to cancer. It not fair that the worst things happen to the best of people. He wasn’t just my coach, he would always be able to tell when something was upsetting me, but he gave me tuff love which was better than being soppy. I miss him so much I just keep feeling like one day he’s going to come back and be at the track shouting at me to run faster. But I know that will never happen so I have to make him proud.

The people I care about the most in the whole world are my best friends, they mean everything to me. I love them so much. Going into sixth form and collage has changed it though. I feel like we are all moving away from each other and I hate it. I just want to go back to the way it was with all of us together, it just doesn’t feel right. I feel like some people in the group have changed for the worse, I can’t be around the few that have changed because they annoy the fuck out of me! I know that I have to try my hardest to stay close with the girls that I have always known are my true best friends because they are incredible. There is no one else that can match to them, whenever I’m down they know just how to pick me up, they have always been there for me. The best memories I will ever have are with them, they make the shittest moment the funniest. I love them so much they mean everything to me.<3<br />
The last thing I want to write about is how I hate my life so far because of my brother and parents, I might come across as if I love life and everything goes just how I want it but that’s not true. I have to put on a smile so that I don’t have to tell anyone what goes through my mind, I hate having to fake smile. I feel like I’m worthless, I’ve been told it so often by the biggest cunt I know that I started to believe it and now that’s how I feel about myself and nothing can change my mind. I feel like no one gives a shit about me because I’m a nobody, never good enough and just the girl with a fucking messed up past!
I feel so stupid that whenever I’m not with my friends I have no one, I don’t ever feel like I can go to anyone in my family for help because I just feel like there would rather I wasn’t there. It makes me feel so alone. Most night I'm in my room feeling like I have nothing to bother living for and I will never be good enough. I just wish I could go back in time and change everything or just make sure I was never born. I fuck everything up that I get to close to, I mess everything up, I have learnt to keep everything to myself because it’s easier that way. I fucking hate myself.

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I Bleed my Heart out on this paper

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